I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My pussy is not your playground.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
