but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
