Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
