I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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