first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
