According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
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his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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