Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
