i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
