You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
