Already got asked if we're dating
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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