I wish life had little blips of pornography
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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