I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
