I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
