paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
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I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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