Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
