so explain again why im purple
no
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
