I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
