They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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