Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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