ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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