New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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