***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
