the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
