Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
