its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
