Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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