I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
