Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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