Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So vagazzling was a success
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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