someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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