oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
