Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
