happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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