Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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