dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
