Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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