just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
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I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
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I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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