I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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