i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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