he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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