# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There's always time for handjobs
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
