I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
