I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
