In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
