Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
