Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
