if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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