dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
