My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
