cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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