Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
