My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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