you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize