I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize