All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
