Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
