apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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