1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
