what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
