What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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