Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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