I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize