You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
